I'm happy now.

Sorry for the lack of updates. Having an iPhone makes coming online seem like a chore. And blogging on that device itself is another chore of its kind. To add on, I just stuck a staple into my thumb, which makes typing on both my phone and laptop to be relatively, annoying?


But well, this I have to say. Yesterday's gathering was awesome. The team met at Jas' house to have BBQ. There was a slideshow which the boyfriend came up with that triggered off some of my babies' tear glands. So badly that the boyfriend himself very nearly cried too.

It's sad, of course. Not all of us would be present for trainings anymore. Not all of us would turn up for that occasional dinner date. And though some of us may decide to continue playing soccer when we graduate, it wouldn't be with the same bunch of people. But it doesn't matter. Cause we all know that ten years down the road, we'd still look back, and remember the team. Maybe not with clarity, but we would all remember. The pain, the tears, the smiles, the reason to keep going on, even when we wanted to give up.. and most important of all: the team. Each and every one of us. Some not as close as the rest, but every single one of us. We make up this team.
And that's why I'm happy. I'm happy that I've met all of you, and played with all of you. I'm sorry for the uncountable times that I've given all of you heart attacks (heehee), and I'm glad we all had looked out for each other over this period of time (and maybe even for the rest of our lives). The time spent together is priceless.
I love you, babies. (L)

Ah. Not forgetting to mention, thank you, juniors. For the beyond awesome card and ball. The messages were sweet, and I really like the miniature soccer ball. (Inserts huge smiley)


Okay, my fingers are freezing off the keyboard now. Sucks to have the air-conditioner right above your table at times. Bye.

Yesternight, I had a nightmare. The boyfriend got knocked down by one hell of a truck.
Right. In. Front. Of. Me.
When I went over to him, the first thing I did was to sit on him. -____- Wtf hahahahaha.
I narrated the story to him while we were going for lunch and I couldn't help but laugh cause it was so funny. Of course, it wasn't so in the nightmare since I woke up only when my alarm rang. That was enough for me to stone while hugging him, wait for the ambulance to come, stone in the hospital.. And that's all. Think I stoned for three-quarters of the nightmare. There wasn't anything else to do without him :(

So the boyfriend sat beside me and stayed throughout for the whole day, while I did my filing. He watched 2 movies on my phone I think.
We had frozen pizza, and shared cup noodles, and did pretty much nothing else. This is how we spent our 40th week. And I'm glad. Not when he laughed at me when I dropped my pizza though. Toppings facing down. Bloody idiot. Hahaha joking.
I love you :)

Tedium; Part 5.

Had a long day in school. Lying on my bed with issues flashing across my mind faster than I'd like them to.


Thank you, for all that you've said in the past hour. I've no idea what had happened either. But I'd work on it :) This I promise you.

C'est la vie.

To say I miss him now would be an understatement.

So I'm alone at home now, doing maths. Was supposed to go over to D's house to look for Cord and her after their tuition. But shit happens.
Hi, D. I hereby dump you. You're no longer my ah beng bf.

Okay, I shouldn't digress.

My phone's full of calls and texts. But none of his. It's almost enough to kill. And I can't stop thinking about all the things I could do with him if he was here. It would be us laughing at each other, him annoying the shit out of me, him holding onto my hand and looking at me study, him playing checkers using my phone, him editing pictures using his sister's laptop..
Basically just him being here. Right beside me.

Sigh. I think I'm depending too much on him. Or should I say, I need to get a life. Maybe I should consider taking D back mm.

Hang around baby I'll be waiting for you.

My flu medicine is messing up my body clock. I just woke up from my supposed afternoon nap, and I don't feel too good. How do I wake up at 0530 tomorrow!? Sigh.


Woke up early this morning and went over to Queensway to print my tutor's Physics notes. The boyfriend met me over at Queenstown MRT. Bought IKEA meatballs over to his house and we had lunch. His mom cooks awesome fried rice (Y)
Lepak for a while before the drowsiness kicked in. Then we went to get some vitamin C tablets for his trip. Couldn't walk straight and he had to hold on to me. I miss him already :'(

He's on this 10 day trip to China with his family. 10. Days. The fact that he isn't here right now is slowly getting to me. Oh well. At least we'd both be looking at the same sky when we look up :)

Sucks to be sick.

Today marks the 7th day of me being sick. The fever's gone now, more or less, but the sore throat and blocked nose sure aren't. Need I mention that I've a match against HCI later? Hahaha.

Today, I was on a mission.

To keep lmz happy.


I went for tuition even though I still had fever and my sore throat was so horrible that I felt like I was strangling myself every single damn time I yawned. And I yawn quite a lot, on a side note. Then, I went to school for the info session with my tuition mates. Met lmz in school.
The talk was so boring she actually fell asleep. I gave her a nudge so hard she nearly fell on Parveen's mom. Had a good laugh with her. And things were going great.

Then this being came into the picture and ruined it. Hahaha. I've seen worse, but you get on my nerves. Do not act like you know me, and talk about me like you did. It's disgusting.

Anyhow, I went to Suntec with her after that and we had kuishinbo for dinner. Went to find the boyfriend and we watched him on the runway. Kinda missed it cause I got him some quickbite before he actually went onstage, and I had barely reached the second floor when he started strutting. Be damned. Today was a horrible day.
Lmz went to see his work too, before leaving.

So now I'm home. And need I mention? My throat is still killing me.

They say if it doesn't kill you, it'll make you stronger.

The only thing worth being happy about today was getting to see the Dad whom I used to love when I was young. The one who would run back home from the market to save me when I called him to whine and say Lmz just whacked me. The one who would just about fight and scare the living daylight out of anybody who bullies me.

He was genuinely shocked when I cried over the phone. It was then that I heard Him, with that tone which he used to use whenever I cried. Then he laughed at me.

"For a game..?" He had asked.

How weak have I become, really?


And he was also another reason why I bawled harder on th bus. I was so.. happy? Hahaha. He scared the shit out of KH just now too. Damn epic.
I love you, Dad.

“Love isn’t him calming you down when you yell. It’s him yelling, just as loud, just as hard, right back at you, right in your face to wake you up and keep you grounded. It isn’t him bringing you roses everyday or cute things that make your relationship appear more presentable. It’s after a long fight, that drains the life and bones out of both of you, and yet him showing up at your door the next morning anyway. It’s not him saying all the right things or knowing exactly how to handle you. It’s not him caressing your hair and telling you everything is going to be alright. It’s him standing there, admitting he’s just as scared as you are. You have to remember that with love, you’re not the only one involved. You’ve unknowingly put your life, your heart into the palms of another person’s hands and said, “Here. Do what you will. Mash it into mince meat, or forget I ever handed it to you.”

- eletheowl

“I really enjoy spending time with you, even if we’re just going to be sitting around and talking about nothing. There are a million things I love about you, like your nose or the way you smile, the way you look me in the eye, too. And I just get the greatest feeling when I make you laugh. I feel as if my company makes you happy, and that’s what I wish for you. For you to be happy. And when I see you laugh at my clumsy ways, it just makes me want to spend the rest of my life with you so I can see a smile on your face.”

- eletheowl

Deleted the 2 posts that were published yesterday. For those who had read them, play nice.

Never the same.

Last.

Hahaha so bloody cute.
That's my boyfriend for you. And the gold medal that he's holding is currently in my new wardrobe. (Y)

He just left. Had cockles, tofu and some weird-tasting mussels for dinner. Talked.


Sports meet tomorrow. Can't say I'm looking forward to it.
Training, yes. Can't wait to see the boyfriend and the babies tomorrow.
Ah, and tmbg.

"She does not hurt my baby, and expect to still walk around in that pink hoodie of hers," that I promised.

Who the hell goes "58, 59, 40!!" when counting?

Tonight.

Cabbed to school to pass the boyfriend his Macs breakfast today. It was so hot that I was sweating by the time I got on a cab. It didn't help that my left eye is swollen ugh.
Watched him torture the boys in the gym before finally getting to eat.

So I'm at the grandstand now, watching them warm-up for the game later.


Can't wait for lmz to come back home tonight :D

Game.

Played against RJ today and we lost, 2-0. But all's good.
Was playing as a stopper, and from what the boyfriend had said, I think I just earned myself a seat back on the D ranks. Ran like a mad dog today though. Tiring at that point of time. But ah, all's good. All's good.



Well done, babies. We did well today. Just a bit more fine-tuning?
We improved, and that, I believe, is hard to ignore. Xx.

What have I done?

What will I do without you?

The love of my life woke me up today, for homecoming. While I was bathing, I texted him to ask where is he at, since he sounded too 'awake'. He told me he woke up to vomit (since he's sick) and I believed him. Too tired to think anymore anyway.
When I left my house, 10 minutes before reporting time, he was right there. His voice greeted me when I stepped out of the lift. So warm. Should've just ran to him and hugged him, no?
But me being me, and still hurting from yesterday's realization, just smiled and asked him to hurry. He bought Coke for me at the shop and we cabbed to school. Some very awkward silence filled the cab since I didn't really want to talk and I guess he didn't know if he should speak to me?

Reached school anyway.


Right when everything else was blur, be it the game, the pain, the tedium, or whatnot, he was the only one who remained in focus throughout. He, who regardless of the cough he has, the game he had later, that nagging dreariness he'd feel from waking up so early in the morning to cab to my area, came. He came.
He stood by me, taught me how to do volley when I could almost kick myself in the face in frustration for not knowing how to do it no matter how many times I tried, and encouraged me throughout when I played as the last man.
Know how hard it struck me?


I could fall and never stand up, without you.

“I spent a lot of time being miserable. It’s like misery is an old friend. And it tricks you sometimes into thinking that it’s just always gonna be there and that you can’t be happy. But you can; you can walk away from pain. And I think being in love’s the best way to do it.”

- Peyton Sawyer

I don't feel too good saying out all that I have/want to say on the net these days. But I think this particular phrase, which a person I once knew used, would sum up everything.


I fail life.

Seventh.

Today's our seventh month. Went over to his house at about 10pm to bai nian. Why such an unearthly timing mm? Was supposed to go to YB's house to bai nian first, but it was getting late, so I went to meet hun straight. Got to meet his mom at last :)

Went to Clarke Quay and we sneaked into this place to lepak for a while. Then to Starbucks, and I bought my first cup of coffee in my entire life (Y)
I abhor coffee (and the only one that I drink is the one which my uncle makes). But I've no idea why have I been having this crazy urge to get one for the past month. At least it tasted as good as I expected it to be.

Walked around a bit and we spent crazy moments together. Hahaha. Cabbed and I reached home at 4am or so.
Hun's coming over now. Foooooooooooooooooooooooooooood.


For all the things we swore we meant. Happy 7 months, I love you.

So I've a red iPhone now.

Got it yesternight. And I skinned it red. Sad to say my brand new casing scratched off some of the skin.. But ya, it's new. Heehee.


Had the CNY celebration in school yesterday. Went to town to shop with Ben, Cordy, Eunice and Syahirah. Didn't get anything. Hun came to find us over at 313 and we went to City Hall for his game.
Dabao-ed Chippy's and we went over to PS to meet Howge. Exchanged my phone there and Howge got his. Sent hun home before making our way over to Aunt's house to get the TV before reaching home at 12mn or so. Speak of tedium.


Can't wait to meet hun later. Midnight movie with him and my siblings! (Y)

Careful

I settle down a twisted up frown
Disguised as a smile, well, you would have never known
I had it all, but not what I wanted
'Cause hope for me was a place uncharted and overgrown

You'd make your way in
I'd resist you just like this
You can't tell me to feel
The truth never set me free
So I did it myself

You can't be too careful anymore
When all that is waiting for you
Won't come any closer
You've got to reach out a little more
More, more, more, more

Open your eyes like I open mine
It's only the real world, life you will never know
Shifting your way to throw off the pain
Well, you can ignore it, but only for so long

You look like I did
You resist me just like this
You can't tell me to heal
And it hurts remembering
How it felt to shut down

Can't be too careful anymore
When all that is waiting for you
Won't come any closer
You've got to reach out a little more
More, more, more, more

The truth never set me free
The truth never set me free
The truth never set me free
So I'll do it myself

You can't be too careful anymore
When all that is waiting for you
Won't come any closer
You've got to reach out

Can't be too careful anymore
When all that is waiting for you
You won't come any closer
You've got to reach out more
More, more, more, more

And did I forget to mention?

I really do need some time off.

Coward.

To say I played badly for yesterday's game would be an understatement. Everybody was working so hard.. and I didn't even contribute much.
The aftermath of the game was worse. I felt so guilty I did not even know what to say to anybody. Felt so tired. Not from the game. Just so tired of myself. I'm sorry, team.
Didn't go and repair my phone so I could hear what coach had to say. Then I came home with the boyfriend. He came all the way over to watch my game and I snapped at him. I knew better than to do that. But I did. I'm sorry, hun.


So I didn't go to school today. Cause I'm ashamed of myself. Yes, I really am. I wouldn't be able to come up with anything to say to the team first thing in the morning and the thought of seeing them just.. terrifies me.
There's even Physics practical today, and I chose to give it a miss. Any idea how bad..?
Best thing is I chose to skip school and training cause of this. There can never be a better title for this post other than the word 'coward'. If I could bold it and make it fill up the whole of this space, I would.

Chinese New Year's just around the corner and I haven't got any clothes yet. Speak of fml. Hahaha.


Life's been a major bitch. And it's my own damned fault. This post is full of im-sorry(s) but seriously, I've no other way of saying it better, and I've no idea what else is there to say.

Now's not the time to feel vulnerable. Walls up again, mm?

Gold or what?

All it took was a strong wind, and a cloth to turn my iPhone gold. Tmbg even said that it would make a good fml. I agree.

In the past week,

we broke up, we patched.

Well, just to update the world.


And yesterday was awesome. We both had tournaments. His team got first and his medal is sitting on my table now, while mine got into semi-finals. Not bad for a first tournament.
Was feeling messed up for the morning, then coach told me off. Should've known better mm. So I texted him and gave him the choice. Played relatively better cause it was one hell of a relief. Could almost feel the weight from my heart being removed. Sorry, team, for playing like shit for the first two games. It'll be the last of its kind, swear. Xoxo.


I'm damn hungry now. Need two cows. Bye.

Hi. You just bruised my ego.

And I believe we all know that that's the last thing you should do.

"What do you want me to say? Yes! You’re right! We’re just one big walking disaster. And yeah, my life would probably be a whole hell of a lot easier if I just walked out that door right now. I know that. But the thing is, I already know that there’s not one fucking thing on the other side of that door could ever come close to making me as happy as I am when I’m with you. That’s why I’m here, because I love you. No matter how hard things get, no matter what shit life throws at us, there’s no where else I’d rather be. I want to spend the rest of my life right here, right next to you."

- eletheowl

Trust.

"If I could explain love in one word, it would have to be trust. 
Trust that he doesn’t cheat on you, trust that he doesn’t lie to
 you, trust that he really likes you, trust that he will always be
 there for you, trust that he can go to a party and not get high 
or drunk, trust that you don’t have to worry about him breaking 
up with you the second you wake up, trust that he will stick up 
for you, trust that he will never fall in love with another girl,
 trust that he won’t just get sick of you, and trust that he
 wants you like you want him."

- eletheowl

After so long, Coke remains as my only salvation.

Know why?

Know why did I deactivate my facebook? Because that's where you find out all the shit you don't want to know. Because when I deactivate it, it's either you take DAYS to tell me what did you do, or my friends take DAYS to tell me what they are notified of.
I always take a chance with the former, whether or not my facebook's activated, and thanks for disappointing me yet again.


Fuck You.

“You know the beautiful thing about love? It’s so powerful. Nothing else can make people do the things that love can make them do. It’s the only emotion that can make people fight, and give their all to something or someone. It’s the only thing that can make people hold on, when they otherwise would have given up. Love is strong, it’s powerful, and it’s rare. So when people find it, they marvel at the power of it. And they keep holding on because it’s the truest form of ecstasy. The world cannot survive without love. It’s the only thing that can get people to hold on anymore.”

- eletheowl

My favourite lullaby: The boyfriend's heartbeat.

Note to self:
• Receiving a ball right in the face should not have you curse at your teammate.
• When the boyfriend is joking, do not take it seriously and DO NOT curse at him.
• Do not curse while doing physical.


In conclusion, I need to stop cursing. And I need to have better temper management. Haha. Promised the boyfriend so.



Sorry, hun.

Credit.

Thanks for the slices of cakes. They were a joy to the taste buds. And the card. I'd be keeping that on my table for quite some time, I daresay. Somewhere where it'd be the first thing I see in the morning, the last thing I see before I turn in, and of course, something I look forward to seeing everyday :)


And I can't tell you how happy I was to see you today. Just you sitting beside me and watch me study. Thanks, boyfriend!

Yet another realization.

It's been long since we last quarrelled. But we did, on Thursday. Our Thursday. And boy, did it suck. Then it hit me again. Like a tight slap to the face.


I can't live without this guy.

So disappointed.

Howge: So weak.

So after training, I asked my brother what time would he be coming home at. He asked me why, and I told him about my new injuries. Title's his reply. Lmz's rather amused as to how I could even sprain my finger while playing soccer. Hahaha. My bad.
Tears fell when my sprained ankle was repeatedly kicked at too. I need to get used to things like that. Not the crying thing of course. It was involuntary.


School was awesome. Shall take a video of HoongJia doing his Lady Gaga dance fast forwarded next time. Damn epic (Y)


And I'm going to hit the books this weekend. My teacher promised me two dates per week if I can't get a C grade at the least for the coming Organic Chem test. I'd hate that.


Hahaha sorry for the very disoriented post. Bye.

Tedium; Part 4

I had this strong urge to throw my cushions at my Dad when he woke me up today. Walked around the house with my brain on auto-pilot and I ended up forgetting to bring my skirt to school.

SO I BORROWED ONE FROM THE GO AND ITS LENGTH IS APPROXIMATELY TWICE OF THAT OF MY OWN ONE HAHAHA

I woke up today feeling like a trainwreck.

No idea why. And I don't think that it's cause I woke up more than 10 times last night.

All I know is I don't like it. Not one bit.

I See You.

Walking through a dream, I see you
My light in darkness breathing hope of new life
Now I live through you and you through me, enchanted
I pray in my heart that this dream never ends

I see me through your eyes
Living through life, flying high
Your life shines the way into paradise
So I offer my life as a sacrifice
I live through your love

You teach me how to see
All that’s beautiful
My senses touch your world I never pictured
Now I give my hope to you
I surrender
I pray in my heart that this world never ends

I see me through your eyes
Living through life, flying high
Your love shines the way into paradise
So I offer my life
I offer my love, for you

When my heart was never open
(and my spirit never free)
To the world that you have shown me
But my eyes could not division
All the colors of love and of life ever more

(I see me through your eyes)
I see me through your eyes
(Living through life flying high)
Flying high

Your love shines the way into paradise
So I offer my life as a sacrifice
And live through your love
And live through your life
I see you


Happy 6 Months and a day, hun. Thanks for everything you've done, everything that you had wanted to do, and all that we are going to do together. I love you :)

Morning run(s).

Lmz told me this morning that I've dark eye rings. And this is my first week of school. I think I ought to be depressed. But I just had my morning run with the team and I'm damn awake now! Haha. Thanks Howge, for sending me to school these 2 days so I could make it in time for the morning run :) Poor guy has to wake up at 6 to get his car, send me to school, go home and sleep, and wake up again at 8 to go to work. Is he plain awesome or what? Hahaha.

First lecture of the day is going to start soon, so I'd be throwing my phone into my bag again.


Happy 26 weeks, hun! (K)

5am.

Thou many might think that he's a jerk, it's that occasional twinkle in his eyes which shows innocence that makes me catch my breath. Not forgetting his cheeky smile, of course. This one makes my heart beat faster. That much faster.

Sorry.

For the lack of updates. There's just not enough hours in a day. I've pretty much been in Singapore since my last post, and yeah, life had been awesome.

Will update tomorrow maybe?

An add-on.

6. Fuck those insecurities in 2009, and those to come. I've better things to do.

My New Year. How's yours?

I think my dad just found out yesternight that I actually prefer food from hawker centres to that of restaurants.

Dad: You want to eat there? (Points to seafood restaurant)
Me: No. I want to eat at the roadside stalls.
Dad: Huh, serious?

And I gave him a look which I think should most probably have cleared his doubts.


I'm at Penang now btw. I'd pick Malaysia over Thailand anytime, trust me. At least the people here are not as English-handicapped, and they speak Chinese, not Cantonese.
I SUCK at dialects, if it isn't obvious enough already.


And I typed all these out while I was in the hotel room and blogged only now, since there's no wi-fi in the rooms. Which explains why these 2 posts are only minutes apart.


Hun typed two awesome texts to me yesternight at 3am! About the first time we met, how we kept annoying the crap out of each other, when we first started talking on Facebook and MSN, me being very shy on our first date ( -_-!! ) and us being 24 weeks and a day old when we never thought of being together in the first place!
Sorry that I can't spend this new year with you. Mehhhhhhh >:( But i know that this year will be an awesome year with you around :) Miss you! Xx.


I'm at this small cafe in the hotel now, since Dad needs a quiet place to use the Internet and I've to be here in case the Internet dies on him hmm.. Ah well, family time. Family time.

New Year Resolutions

1. Study hard and make her proud.
2. Stop procrastinating in all that I do.
3. Be a better friend/girlfriend.
4. Have better temper management.
5. Kick well!

Note: List is not in order of importance or whatnot. (Though making her proud would top every list in my life.)